Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
