just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
