I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
