That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
