Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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