sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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