And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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