i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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