omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
