i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
