I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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