When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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