at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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