Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
