this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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