Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
