your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
