Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
