i think my mom watched the whole time
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
