the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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