The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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