Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
