Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Vodka?
Forever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
