1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
