this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We got so high we made milksteak
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize