sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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