There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
