is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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