We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
