I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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