yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We were destined to go to rehab together
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
