so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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