Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
