Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
