i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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