Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
