is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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