Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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