My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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