do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize