By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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