she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
