True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Buhtt sex?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my poor anus
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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