Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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