I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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