Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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