So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
