I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
