She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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