so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize