So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
