Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
