Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
