how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
