I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
