I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
