Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
