He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
