when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
