We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
