It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I AM VODKA MAN
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I touched a dick in church today
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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