I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
