wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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