brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
