The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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