So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My liver just had a heart attack.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
