so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
