dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
