We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
