I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i out mim tonsoeep
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