I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we should paint friendship bongs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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