I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
