What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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