Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
