Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
