we're chasing vodka with high fives
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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