Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize