How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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