Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize