So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
