I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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