A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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