Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My vagina is officially offended.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
