I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
