Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
True college students do jello shots in the library
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
