I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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