Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
