I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
