She's JV to your varsity
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
