i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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