he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
