I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can I color on your dick again?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
