Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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