They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
