I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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