My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
