she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
