I just cut my nipple shaving
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize