yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
