Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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