Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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