If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
