I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
