Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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