Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
