Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
