There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
