i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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