I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
