if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize